Today in the world of my awful middle school book, Karen makes her BIG MOVE, Haley laughs hysterically, and Mrs. Layford takes no prisoners.
Chapter 3
The next day on the bus I told Laurie, Julia, Jenna, and Kathy about yesterday’s phone call.
“Are you serious?” Laurie asked.
“One hundred percent.” I said.
Haley basically invented the 100 emoji.
“I can’t wait to see this.” Kathy said.
“She thinks that I’ll actually hate the sight of her kissing Ryan when really it’s going to be the greatest thing in the year!” I exclaimed.
Haley’s gonna tell EVERYONE on AIM and memorialize the event in her subprofile.
“All right. Here’s what we’re going to do. When she kisses him we’re going to laugh hysterically and point at her.” I said. They started giggling.
Laughing hysterically and pointing is the only mocking technique Haley knows.
When we got to homeroom we waited for Karen to make her big move. Finally, when everyone was there, she made her attempt.
“Okay guys. Get ready.” I whispered.
I turned around. Karen glanced at me to make sure I was looking. Then, she did it. A big one right on the cheek!
“Get the hell off me!” Ryan exclaimed. Everyone started laughing hysterically and pointing at Karen. She blushed. Then, when she saw me laughing she almost cried.
“You should’ve known that I wouldn’t really care!” I shouted.
Haley really knows how to twist the knife.
Mrs. Layford entered the room and everyone stopped laughing.
“Okay class. I hope you studied for your test today.” Mrs. Layford said.
“Mrs. Layford?” Karen asked.
“Yes Karen?” Mrs. Layford replied.
“I’m in no condition to take a test.” Karen complained.
“Well, it’s not my problem. Maybe you should have thought of that before you kissed Ryan.” Mrs. Layford said.
Haley may have brought the knife, but Mrs. Layford committed the murder.
Later at lunch we were laughing about what Karen did earlier.
“Hey look! There’s the famous kisser right now!” I shouted so that everyone could hear. Everyone started laughing except for one boy who had a crush on Karen ever since pre-school. The boy’s name was David. David just looked at Karen. He didn’t do anything else. Whenever I see him look at her it makes me sick!
Haley went to a very dramatic pre-school and h8s boys staring at girls. It makes her sick!
Later Kathy, Laurie, Jenna and I overheard Ryan and Tyler talking.
“I wish it was Haley that kissed me instead of that jerk Karen.” Ryan said. We started giggling.
Ryan:
“Too bad that really didn’t happen.” Tyler said. David joined them.
“Where’s your girlfriend Dave?” Ryan asked.
“Where’s yours?” David asked. Ryan looked around. Then for some reason he looked behind the table and grabbed my shirt.
“Right here.” Ryan replied.
Hahaha, my dude is so FUNNY calling Haley his girlfriend and grabbing her without consent. 🙂 🙂 🙂
“How about you Tyler? Where’s yours?” David asked. Tyler looked behind the same table and pulled out Jenna. David snickered.
He pulled out Jenna. Just pulled her out of the air like a street magician.
“Some girlfriends!” David exclaimed.
“At least we don’t like Karen.” I said.
“You go girl!” Ryan exclaimed.
“Yeah Ryan.” I said.
Haley and Ryan bond over their mutual, unfounded hatred for Karen. What a great couple.
“Well my girlfriend is a lot better than your stupid crushes!” David exclaimed.
“Shut up!” Ryan shouted.
“Ryan let me handle this.” I said.
Haley said “hold my beer” before anyone else.
“Look Dave I’ve got a little question for you. Why would you want to like a klutz that can’t dis anyone and who thinks she’s cool?” I asked sarcastically.
Haley’s calling out every 2000s YA heroine.
“Because…uh,” he hesitated. “Because she’s, c-cute.” David replied meekly. He ran off so embarrassed that he couldn’t face anyone again.
Imagine admitting out loud that a girl is cute and being so embarrassed that you can’t face anyone again. David is me.
“I’m going to take a barf before it ends up on everyone’s shirt.” I said and ran to the bathroom. I didn’t barf but I went to the bathroom anyway. Jenna, Kathy, and Laurie followed behind.
“That was nasty!” Laurie exclaimed.
“I know seriously!” Jenna said.
“But guess what we can do now.” I said.
“What?” Jenna and Laurie asked at the same time.
“We can tell everyone in the sixth grade about this. It’ll leave major dirt on both of them and everyone will start bugging them about it!” I said.
WOW HALEY YOU’RE SO DIABOLICAL.
“You are brilliant!” Laurie exclaimed. In the boys room Ryan and Tyler were also making the same plan.
This became a huge weird type of thing and I’ll tell you why soon.
Haley is clairvoyant and 10-year-old me learned the magic of foreshadowing!
Totally one of my better chapter endings, right? I had an idea and told myself about that idea by writing that last sentence, but did I execute on that idea? Who knows?
There’s your dose of my early cringe writing. Did it make you laugh hysterically or are you just plain sick? Is your cringe writing even worse than mine? I want to know about it all.
But you’ll have to excuse me if I go to the bathroom to barf and then don’t barf.