In this week’s installment of my terribly dramatic middle school book, the girls are recovering in the hospital, Karen SUCKS, and the boys get a great idea.
Chapter 8
The first week was tough because it turned out we couldn’t feel our legs. So we were treated like toddlers learning to walk.
Meanwhile, at school everyone was of course, wondering where we were.
“Class it seems that Haley, Julia, Kathy, Jenna, and Laurie all have hypothermia because of Karen.” Mrs. Layford explained to the class.
“Karen you suck!” Ryan shouted.
#ThanksKaren
“How did they know it was me?” Karen asked.
“Well maybe it’s because of the doctor finding notes written on the back of your history tests.” Mrs. Layford said.
Mrs. Layford is filleting Karen.
“Ryan you know why Karen really sucks?” Tyler asked.
“No dude. Why?”
“Because she did it to Jenna too!” Tyler shouted.
These are the stupidest boys to ever exist.
By the end of the week we became about three shades lighter so now we were kind of turquoise.
“At least we don’t have to take those stupid walking lessons anymore.” Kathy said.
“Yeah those were so annoying.” I said.
So annoying to have a physical therapist help you regain mobility.
“Haley?” Julia asked.
“What.”
“I’m not mad at you anymore.”
“Good because if you were then I would make sure you were an icicle.”
“Really?”
“No.”
Haley is a sociopath.
At school during lunch everything was quiet.
“Tyler! I have an idea!” Ryan said.
“What?” Tyler asked.
“We can go to the hospital this afternoon and like visit them!”
“Dude that’s a great idea!”
It’s a terrible idea, dude.
So that afternoon we had a couple of visitors. Ryan and Tyler barged through the doors of the hospital.
“We’re here!” They shouted. Jenna and me got out of bed and hid behind a wall.
“Where are they?” Tyler asked.
“Uh, I don’t know.” Julia said.
“They’re probably somewhere around here. Oh! I think I just saw them!” Kathy said. We came out.
“Thanks guys.” I said.
“It was nothing. We knew what they would do to you.” Kathy said. Just then we heard footsteps. It was Ryan and Tyler.
This is all written in a funny, light-hearted way, but it’s also terrifying.
“Hi Ryan.” I said sarcastically.
“You know you look cute when you’re blue.” Ryan said.
Ten years from now when Ryan knows what a smartphone is and gets Tinder, this will be his pickup line.
“Shut up losers.” I said.
“Stop! Stop it all!” Julia shouted and ran to the girl’s bathroom.
We thought Julia was over it. We were WRONG.
“Julia!” I shouted and ran after her. Jenna followed with Ryan and Tyler close behind. Obviously they stopped right in front of the door.
OBVIOUSLY.
We end here, obviously. Will Julia learn to manage her heartbreak? Will Ryan and Tyler grow a brain cell? Will Karen recover from being utterly eviscerated by Mrs. Layford? Only two chapters left until the stunning conclusion of book 1.